i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
