Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
