i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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