he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
