omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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