And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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