What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
