If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
