I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
