My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
