Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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