You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
