yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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