Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
