pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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