I love black thongs
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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