Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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