Can Purell be used as lube?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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