Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
