I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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