...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize