Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
