she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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