I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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