Christians are straight up FREAKS
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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