Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let's get the cat blown out
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize