what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
