Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
