Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
