he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
