16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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