if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
