I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
