Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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