she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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