I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You pole danced in your parka.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
