I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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