Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
