so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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