So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize