I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
