ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
