Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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