she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
