so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
