I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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