I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
