Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize