It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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