Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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