Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
