You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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