there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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