What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
