i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
