It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
