Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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