She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
