Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
