i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
