Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
