The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
