someone threw a dead crab at me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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