Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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