I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
