I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
