you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
