Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
