i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
