you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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