Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i think my cat just said my name.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
