I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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