I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
