Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize