I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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